Experiment #12: The spook

Hypothesis (prediction before the date): This guy has been unique to communicate with. And by unique I mean weird. I try to match level of communication with my Subjects, and he literally corresponds one line at a time. HELLOOOOO dude, this is not IM. So I was really caught off guard when I received this email after several single-line messages: “What do you think of me so far.” Well, sir, I think you’re awkward. I didn’t say that though. I said I thought he was quiet. Which obviously means awkward but in a less awkward way. So he said he was really reserved about the whole process because he didn’t even know if I were real. Um… YOU contacted ME. Not like I sent you nude hot pics of myself and promised to be your personal possession/ trophy wife if you wire me $10K tomorrow. No sir, you saw my profile and asked to talk to ME. So don’t act like I’M the potential creeper here (says the girl who is soliciting dates to write a blog…). Naturally I said none of this because he immediately asked me out after that. Well ok then! As long as we get the ball rolling, I don’t really care.

Materials (the guy, the place, any other variables):

• Turns out he works in IT like 40% of the guys I meet in these Experiments. He lives VERY far away from me, but says he comes to my City all the time. He lies. He knows nothing of this place. But it’s cute that he pretends. Oh, and he looks nothing like his profile pic, which was definitely appreciated.
• I’ve been craving some Benihana, but the only one in the City is far, far away from where I want to go (even though he offered to come pick me up. GET REAL!), so I googled “hibatchi grill” and learned two things: there is no T in “hibachi,” and there is one a few blocks from my house. WIN.

Procedures (omg what happened???): Totally not my type, and totally not a hibachi grill, but surprisingly fun anyway. What I mean when I say hibachi grill is this:

What I got was this:

No that is not the ACTUAL restaurant. I ran an image search for “hole in the wall” and this matched what I was looking for quite nicely.

But we got to talking and there is nothing this man felt uncomfortable sharing with me. I mean, he wasn’t sharing his STD test results with me or anything, but I learned all about his dying uncle and his cousin in Iraq, which was a bit uncanny because I have a dying uncle and a cousin in Iraq. I just don’t usually bring these things up on Experiments because they’re kinda downer conversations, amirite?

Bu he’s been to Costa Rica like almost everyone else I’ve met, which means I just have to go. I have to! And he’s really into wine tasting, but not as much as this guy. I don’t know, I’m starting to feel like I’m dating the same guys over and over, which probably has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve been selected by my interests and personality to be compatible with them. I think I need to radically alter my profile, not to change who I am but to emphasize different qualities so I can meet new guys, rather than carbon copies of the same men.

Results (the good, the bad, and the ugly): He’s funny, but I can’t remember anything specific that had me laughing. Reminds me of that line in Ocean’s Eleven when Brad Pitt is coaching Matt Damon and he tells him “You need to be funny, but not too funny. He needs to like you, then forget you.” That on top of the weird comment before the date, I wonder if he’s some weird dating double agent. Cute how I’m paranoid that someone’s out to do the exact same thing I’m doing, huh?

Conclusion (overall rating): The food was pretty sub-par, especially when I was expecting an onion volcano and shrimp tails flicked into to the chef’s hat and pocket. But the date was forgettably fun, even if the guy was marginally awkward and uncomfortably endearing. I give it a 5.

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